I was being stubborn. I didn’t want to heal. I didn’t want to admit anything was wrong. I was a nasty person. My behavior was just another piece of evidence my friends had been ignoring. I was sitting in my hot tub of filth.
But as my friend Jen says, I am a diamond sitting in that hot tub of filth.
So one day a friend said, “Carey, there is something wrong.” And I listened. I started counseling. I started to clean off the muck. I started to heal.
For me knowing is half the battle. When I forget I have a postpartum mood disorder, I get angry and frustrated and begin to shut down, languishing in my filth once again. But when I remember and take time to ask for prayer and help with my kids and an hour to get away, I do better.
I am a yeller. I yell a lot. I yell more when I’m not healthy. When I’m trapped in my head. If I take the time to take a deep breath and remind myself of what is true then I don’t yell so much.
I am thankful for the friend who brought the problem to my attention, who noticed it wasn’t just me being nasty, but something more. I’m thankful for the counselors, the friends, the family, the prayers that have brought so much to my healing. I am thankful to God for bringing my healing, being my Healer, and saving me from the muck. It is a long process. It took me two and a half years to find the problem, it’s taking just as long to heal, but I know it is happening. I see cracks of light and know I can breathe deep and live full again.
STOP. This week’s Five Minute Friday post is in response to the prompt HEAL.
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I think the first mistake I made after I had my daughter was that I quit writing. I got trapped in my own head. As Brené Brown says: “Unused creativity is not benign. It metastasizes. It turns into grief, rage, judgement, sorrow, shame.” That is my experience.
What is one thing you love that makes you healthier when you have – no make the time to do it?
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