I feel like I’m missing out on my life.
There are days I feel really good about it. I’m engaged with my kids, I’m enjoying (for the most part) motherhood, and I clean clothes, dishes, and butts with gusto and time to spare.
Then there are days like Tuesday (and so far today), when I stare at my phone or my computer or my tablet or my feet in some effort to not have to deal with what is right in front of me. Surely there is something better somewhere else. Surely if I get one more “like” or a comment on my blog, or a virtual hug, I’ll feel like I can manage the next 12 hours.
I am an introvert. Except when I’m with my kids. Alone. Then I want to be with all the people. Until my kids go to bed. Then I want to be alone. With a good book or the wall. I love you wall. Because I miss reading. I miss stillness. I miss myself. But I get to the end of days like Tuesday, and I regret all the time spent staring at my phone.
Community is important. The faces I look at every day. The mouths I feed every day. Those are more important than my online community. I am their world right now. That is not easy for me. Ever. But it is true. I don’t want my kids seeing the top of my head or the back of my head every moment of their lives. I want to look them in the eye and see them in all their frustrating glory. Because as impossible as it is for me to believe now – in the trenches – someday I will miss them.
STOP. This week’s Five Minute Friday post is in response to the prompt MISS
Since publishing this I realize it needs some clarification. My work and my writing require me to use the internet, the computer, and social media. And my health requires me to write as well as connect with others. Due to the season I am in and the nature of our current culture, the social media platform is vital for my community. I love connecting with friends via text, Facebook, Instagram, and other writers via Twitter and blog comments. The issue raised in this five-minute free write has to do with the days I use my phone and social media as a drug. On the days when I find myself doing absolutely nothing but staring at my phone or scrolling through Facebook (and I’m not exaggerating – these days I typically manage to feed my children and that’s about it), are the days I get to bedtime and regret my usage. I was trying to escape in an unhealthy way. Those are usually the days I eat way too much as well. I go into this entire issue in a little more depth in my post Meals Matter.
Join the conversation!
What is one challenge for you in motherhood? What is one joy for you in motherhood?
How do you connect best to your peer community?
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